The Two-Year-Old Conclusion

Now that I have a 3 year old, I feel I have full license to publish my thoughts on the "terrible two" stage.

First, they are NOT terrible. They are fun. So fun. They are just hilarious in their every venture. They walk and talk like they know everything and do so with full intent of action regardless of the firm mention of "No." It's incredibly entertaining and just a joy to have a two year old. Truly. It is.

It's just may be a little hard though on us parents because... Well... You can't go anywhere.

They get into everything, hit everyone, and run. Boy do they run. Fast.

Honestly, if I had no obligations to go to any functions or social gatherings, it would probably be the best stage EVER. I could let her roam freely and get into everything. It would be so fun, exciting, even crazy enjoyable as a parent. I mean I'd follow closely for safety purposes, but it would be easy peasy.

But alas, you have to still carry them out into the world. Groceries. Other peoples' houses. Appointments. Whatever else.  So, you have to teach them, the smaller version of yourself that wants to have more authority than you. And they will fight you daily for the illusive captain's chair you are desperately trying to keep your rear on.

But still. It's fun. So fun.

Three's chalking up to be a pretty fun year as well...

Heaven's slice is being blessed to have a two year old child in your charge.

Screens Suck

Firstly, PLEASE be restfully assured that this post is completely hypocritical, and that I the author am fully aware of it.

Having said that, what I will go on to write I really do believe... I just usually try to put that belief in a headlock on the daily so I can scroll through my newsfeed in peace.

Anyways.

Screens suck. They literally do. They suck the energy out of ambition, they suck empathy out emotion, they suck time away from relationships, and they suck the living out of your life. They suck you in like you are the addict and they are the answer. And they're not, they're really really not. Yet it's so hard to stop! To stop scrolling, clicking, liking, commenting, watching, reading, sharing, typing, posting; it is just so hard! There's always something new that pops up - a big news story, a crusade to defend, a tangent to exploit, a video to lol at, photos to gawk at... It's all so enticing! But it's not real.

It's not real.

That photo album you're swiping through of a past acquaintance was taken a month ago at a lake you've never been.
That video you're watching was taken a few years back on a whole other continent than you reside.
That news story you're reading was completely made up purely to get you to visit their website.
That little girl will not get a heart transplant if she gets a million likes.
You will not be the lucky winner of $1000 given by a recent lotto winner.
You're crush will not reveal himself once you share a post...

None of it is your reality.

You know what's real? This:

















(Having trouble viewing? Look up about 10 inches and it should work.)

This, this is real. Isn't it glorious?!



Too many times I've gotten a tug, or a yell, or a swat that reminds me that the screen isn't real. Too many times I've spent my time scrolling through looking at photos of other children instead of looking at my own right in front of me. Too many times, and I realize I'm seriously addicted to a screen, a stupid iPad screen. I feel so much energy and motivation when I'm out of it's clutches. I'm more patient of a mother, I'm more kind, more happy, and way more fun. When my battery power dies and it's plugged in in the back room for hours unnoticed I feel so much more solidarity and peace in my home and in my heart, and I know my children feel it too. My focus is on them and not on a screen.

It's not to say there isn't a lot of good that can come from the internet, but it can be a hard habit to break when we use it in a way that gets us out of our real life and into a false reality that's so mind distractingly consuming. This technology that is at our finger tips should be used to enhance the reality we are in, but not take us out of it. (Things like dancing around the house to music off of youtube or looking at the recipe from which you are making supper, etc.)




Heaven's slice is knowing when you are an addict... and doing something about it!

PS click here to view some addiction videos that are pretty insightful "12 steps to Change"- CAUTION they deal with mature subject matter.

Food War

Only in a geographical society where we are so spoiled rotten by food choices from price, to packaging, to taste, to convenience, to bulk, to nutrient potency, to brands, to colour, etc. do we take food so for granted... So for granted in fact that disputes on how, where, and what factors produce food are being thrown into question consuming certain LOUD extremists so much so that, may be not purposefully, result in the targeted destruction of this mass production of food that we have been so spoiled blessed with.

Don't tell people what they can and cannot eat, and don't be telling farmers and producers what they can and cannot do to protect their crops and livelihood. They're trying so very hard to save the food in which we all eat, but they can't do that if it is forced upon them to produce in such small quantities due to such poor quality.

If you don't like it then don't eat it; it's that simple, but all the bullying and the propaganda based on non-factual nor scientific evidence needs to stop.

Food should not be such an issue in a culture that is so very fortunate to have food literally at their finger tips, in their deep freezes, in their fridges, in their pantries, in their storage rooms, and in nearly every public location they may be attending. Let us all just stop trying to put such fear into the eyes of others in regards to food and the food industries, because unfortunately there are many falling victim to these scams causing the producer to suffer meaning we will all suffer.

I mean is there not still illegal drugs floating around? And people dying of starvation around the globe? I mean why has food been such a war front for people in a society blessed with such an abundance of it? I feel embarrassed for our society, having what others have died not having in their  country and using it as a means of such insignificant debates and prideful energies. Are we seriously that ungrateful as a society?

I don't get it at all... but what I do get is that:


Heaven's slice is not having to know the pains of non-choiced hunger and starvation.

I don't eat worms

"The early bird gets the worm." Confessions of a non-morning person.

Gigantic Disclaimer : statements below are not based on any sort of factual scientific method; therefore most all claims are a general biased stereotypical rant from one's own mind and should be taken as a humorous read and not an educational one.

Kinda wish you knew the ridiculousness of effort it took to take this "post themed" photo of myself. 

It would have literally made you lol.

Facts:

• Non-morning people enviously admire morning people. They wish that they could have that vigour and ambition in the morning.
• Non-morning people can and will get up early regularly if they are obligated to (as in - others are depending on them to get up early)...Though that still doesn't mean that they enjoy it. I've had a good 24ish years of consistently waking up between 7-7:30am most everyday of the week... and yet I'm still a non-morning person.
• Non-morning people are as good of parents as morning people parents. My daughter wakes up generally between 9-11am so I'm kinda living the dream life right now, BUT if that changes I will of course wake up earlier with her.
• Non-morning people are really pretty... but this is especially true in the late afternoon/evenings.
• Non-morning people are very humble. They never boast about being a non-morning person, and even if they appear to be a morning person, they feel a deep sense of being dishonest and allow others to know the truth that they are in fact not morning people. They would hate it if a morning person felt bad for waking them up. They feel huge guilt over anyone having to be put out by their vice.
• Non-morning people have the strong-willed urge to stay up late. This is when their creative genius seems to come out and/or their senses of humour.
• Non-morning people have a better sleep than morning people. In fact, it's so good that that is why they cling to holding to it as long as possible. We're just better at sleeping than your average Joe.
• Non-morning people are not vain. They will always choose sleep over personal beauty/style.
• Non-morning people generally don't like to nap. They don't usually feel the urge to because they know they'll get a wonderful night sleep as they usually do and can wait it out till nightfall. Plus they wake up from naps badly because it's like a mock morning that's not even real - it messes with our minds and we lash out helplessly after getting up from said nap.
• Non-morning people eat less calories. Probably because on the days when there is no obligation to wake up early, breakfast replaces lunch... meal skippage.
• Non-morning people do try to put on a happy face in the morning, but if you're an adult and they feel super comfortable around you, they won't try at all.
• Non-morning people are overall very happy and successful in life, seeing as they most always get an adequate sleep that helps fuel them.

Myths:

• Non-morning people despise morning people.
• If non-morning people form a habit of getting up early for a long period of time they would become morning people.
• Non-morning people don't sleep well through the night so they compensate in the morning.
• Non-morning people are lazy.
• Non-morning people are depressive.
• Non-morning people are messy.
• Non-morning people have no ambition.
• Non-morning people are scary/mean in the mornings.
• Non-morning people sleep in coffins.
• Non-morning people are selfish.
• Non-morning people are non-successful in life.
• Non-morning people aren't very good parents.

Basically what you really need to know is that non-morning people are just like morning people except we have way better sleeps that make it hard to want to get up from. We can and we will get up, we just don't like it. Also, never feel bad for waking us up cause we'd hate that you were put out in any way by this; we harbour a lot of guilt from having a way better sleep life than you!



Heaven's slice is sleep.

Being The Judge

Why yes, that is a rubber mallet... work with me ok!?

All of us have been effected at some point in our life by someone else's ill actions. Whether it's family, friends, acquaintances, strangers, co-workers, employers, managers, politicians, anyone and everyone could be the suspect really. A dishonest unethical lie of a cheat steal cruel mean no-good wrongful sinful purposeful disgusting action made. Which you saw, felt the effects of, heard about, or read about. Whether you truly know the detailed facts first hand of it all or you're 100th ear in the great vine, you're angered at what happened, is happening, or is about to unfold. "How could they?!" You're especially angered when that person has given the family, community, workplace or what have you the impression that they are a righteous-liver, a do-gooder, an honest near-perfect man or woman of infinite integrity. What perhaps could make you even more angry is that their belief and value system, their religion, is the same as yours! "I mean holy cow! Are you kidding me?! You claim to be trying to walk the path Christ has trod, to live your life in continual progression and improvement on one's self and then you pull this stunt! This unacceptable out of the blue down right wrong action!  Seriously?! Don't try to hide what you did, you're not even trying to fix it, or STOPPING yourself from doing it! GRRRRRR... I wish I could just sit you down and force you to QUIT! Force you to FIX that which you have done, FORCE YOU TO JUST DO THE RIGHT THING!!!!!!"

...

And then you realize it...

YOU have just joined in on the request for Satan's plan. You know, that one we fought hard against in the pre-mortal existence because we wanted the actual plan, the plan that our Heavenly Father and brother Jesus Christ set up for us? May be you remember that plan we chose so long ago (probably not) but you may remember reading, studying, or learning it - it rang to the tune of AGENCY. All whom have a body here chose that plan: To act for ourselves as individuals. To come down and live this mortal life in this world at this time, with this body. To choose for ourselves the good from the evil, to act for ourselves, to try to live righteously so that we could return to our Heavenly Father and have eternal progression, so we could become even as He is. We would make mistakes, we would sin, we would fall short and stumble, surely. So, a Saviour would be provided to take on our guilt, sorrows, and sins so that if we fell we could get back up again and have the strength to keep going. We would draw that straight line that would start going crooked at times, but we could want that change and feel that remorse and that crookedness could be erased from our project; we could become perfect through His atonement. It was Satan's counter plan that stated to take away agency and FORCE US ALL TO DO RIGHT, so that we all could return to the kingdom and the glory could be his (Satan's).

Respecting Agency
Our God wanted us to have agency. We wanted to have agency. So the next time we get down trodden and angered by someone else's decisions let us remember that we need to be respecters and upholders of agency. It is not to be said that we should turn a blind eye to something wrong. It is our responsibility to of course report anything serious or unethical through the proper channels. But, perhaps we may guard our heart a little better in not letting it effect us as it does. If you yourself can look in that mirror and know you have done right and been honest through it all, following the rules, policies, laws or what have you, then there is no need for loss of sleep and no need for this to consume you.

It's so hard being the judge of others and trying desperately to correct and fix their mistakes. Thank goodness we don't have to; we're even commanded not to. God will be the judge and we can can continue on in our own personal journey.



Heaven's slice is being a respecter of agency.

Balancing Busy

With Christmas approaching I feel a lot of us (including myself) often use the statement and excuse - "December is just too busy." It's so easy to get caught up in all the gifts to make and buy for all the many people in our lives, the baking, the decorating, the events to go to, the checklist to go through...

But do we actually have to? Do we have to be pulled here and there, do we have to feel the rush and hurry? I'm not so sure this "busy rush" part of Christmas is something I want for myself or my family. But how can it be changed, how can it be balanced, how can it be removed?

I don't quite know the easy answer unfortunately, but I feel I am getting to know it.

Being so busy with events, family, friends, parties, and activity advents... do we realize how blessed we are to get to be so busy? To get those social interactions, those visits, those memories. Do we realize that for some, Christmas is the loneliest time of year? It's the month where no one has time for you, they're too busy to pop in, too busy to visit, too busy to remember to invite you, to be thinking about you, to be there for you... Or do we just assume that others are too busy too, that they don't have time for us either. This time of year is it a time when our burdens are lightened, or weighed down? Is it a happy exciting time or is it a nervously anxious time. I feel that being busy during this holiday season is only as bad as the outlook we have with the busyness. If it's not a joyous time where you can be present in the moment and event at hand, not only enjoying yourself but making other's around you joyful, then what's the point of being "busy."

Opening up the time for others including ourselves.
I've started to try and adjust my mind and my heart during Christmas. To make it a time for joyful gift shopping, for more meaningful interactions with others, and to enjoy more fully the wonderful traditions to be continued and embraced. To be more present in the occasion at hand instead of overthinking and planning the moments ahead. I'm making time for myself to be present in the moment, and be more thoughtful in regards to those around me. To take time to view those tender mercies rendered from the loving hands of others. To think more on what my Savior would do in situations and adjust to be more like him. To give of myself more to others. We often don't make time for ourselves within the Christmas season, but I also think this is important. I've started a tradition to feed my soul a bit more through December, to take the time to nourish my relationship with my Heavenly Father and in direct consequence it has helped me be there for others a little more.

Christmas is a time where busy is a wonderful blessing, and if we can't quite view it as such, then may be we could all use a little time for ourselves to get closer to the reason of the season.

Christ is the gift.



Heaven's Slice is being busy.

You are not what happened to you

I've been thinking a lot about the well-known cowboy proverb  to

'get right back on the horse that bucked you off.' 

Since growing up on a ranch and coming from a rodeo family this saying had only a literal meaning to me when I was younger. I was gently forced at times against my will to get back on the horse that I got knocked off of, not tomorrow, not next week, but as soon as my wind was back inside me for a for a few minutes. It taught the horse and myself to basically work together and get better.

I do realize the much deeper side to it now of course, and am so fond of the deeper meaning that I thought I'd do a little post on it ;) 

You are not what happened to you.

We have to get back on the horse that bucked us off because if we don't we're basically saying to others, and more importantly to ourselves: I'm the one that got bucked off that horse. You are defining yourself by a moment in time, a moment of failure, hurt, embarrassment, or fear. Thus you put a mark on yourself that this is now who you are. A moment, a hard moment in which you chose not to recover from is what you have chosen to label yourself with. You claim 'defeated' to be your title as you sharpie it onto your name tag; A refusal to get back on.

There have of course, as there is with every human who ever walked this journey, been many many instances where I have been knocked down. Through chance or due to my own faulted choices, these occurrences still happen ... but I know they are a necessity to conquer, to continue, to get better. I purposely put myself back in those type of situations because I deeply and truly do not want that to be  my badge, my signification, because I know that it is not me. I am NOT my weaknesses and I am NOT what happened to me.

One example of this in my life is social anxiety. I started having it in junior high and it still haunts me on occasion. But despite making up excuses to dart off to the bathroom stall or do cruises solo around town to calm my nerves, I ALWAYS came back; back to the house party, back to the classroom. It may have taken a while to get my breathing back to normal, and tears dried out of my eyes, but dangit I came back. I HAD to come back. This was not me; it is not me. It's something that effects me, but I do not claim this for mine, and it will never be an excuse not to go out or be around people. I deal with its after effects, but for me that cannot have petition over the reasoning to quit trying or to completely avoid.

You are not what happened to you.

 We tend to focus and to fixate, to hold that grudge, to keep that sharp chip on our shoulder, that knife in our backs. It is our precious, our weakness, our excuse. The justifiable, understandable excuse to not be good enough, smart enough, courageous enough, or strong enough. But do we know that this hand-held self-proclaimed excuse is only giving way to our true dark destructive thought? The thought that says: "I am NOT enough."

But you are, we all are. It's an outright lie to ourselves that we're making when we decide to never get back on the horse that bucked us off - that we are now no longer enough because of this past circumstance. To our Saviour we will always be worth it; His sacrifice wasn't made for you based on your faults; it was based on your worth. To be saved is more than just a need because you're human, it was a requirement because you're LOVED.

We get right back on the horse that bucked us off because we're fighters; we are strong and we are brave. We know that we are not our physical limits, our mental illness, our tragic experience, our sins, or our failures. We are beings with potential beyond restraint.


(PS - how cute are all these photos of our daughter with horses?!)



Heaven's slice is knowing you are not what happens to you.

Fighting Wrong with Wrong

Recently an incident occurred that left my ears stinging and my heart saddened. A stranger speaking to someone I was sitting beside began talking about the morals in other places compared to where we were at. Then suddenly he used extremely rude, offensive, hurtful slang to describe those persons whom he encountered elsewhere. I have heard terms like that used before, but never have I had such a hard time with hearing it as I did just then. May be it effected me the way it did because I saw it for what it was - HATE. Hate for another human being; a fellow child of God. I'm not sure if I handled the situation as best I could, but given I had my little one in tow, I quickly got up and left that area until the individual was gone.

My mind has spun since then about past experiences I have witnessed or heard about in headlines regarding individuals originally attempting to fight for what was RIGHT, but diving into WRONG in a much failed attempt to do so. There are too many examples of this in today's world. (Comment sections especially have gotten WAY out of hand.)

It's like there are two teams with a line drawn down the middle dividing them. Team Right and Team Wrong. Instead of staying on the Right side of the line as Wrong runs their play, you lash out at them lunging yourself to their side to "teach them a lesson," but little do you know, you crossed the line and joined their team... Ooops!

When someone makes fun of us or someone else, degrading and bullying them, do we really think calling them horrible names, and swearing at them is really going to fix the problem? NO!!! It obviously just fuels the HATE fire. A fight has now broken loose, instead of the opportunity to change someone's wrongful behaviour. I know personally from way back when(I'm talking below grade 4. Bully = me), whenever I would purposely hurt someone and they did it right back to me, it made me want to continue on being hurtful to them. However, when it was called out to me in a calm way that that was a very mean thing I had done and that it hurt them, the immediate remorse over my actions consumed me and I became ever-so sorry and desired desperately to change. Bullying someone back never works, but calling them out in an honest way does. You have to teach people how to treat you. It really comes down to this simple and wonderfully put quote:

"Defend your beliefs with courtesy 

and with compassion, but defend them."

- Jeffrey R. Holland                                        

the-cost-and-blessings-of-discipleship

I've really thought about it and I think I can see where we as individuals error - we don't listen. When faced with a difficult situation where something wrong is being done, instead of quieting ourselves and listening for that still small voice to guide us in our words and actions, we give into our inward screaming's of selfish pride and fear. We completely bypass our Heavenly Father (the lawmaker of right and wrong) in His infinite wisdom and guidance; therefore deciding to take matters into our own imperfect hands. ***We kick out our only true and sturdy leg that we had to stand on.***

We need to fight what's wrong in the world, we do, that's how changes for good can be brought about. BUT, we need to caution ourselves in knowing what the RIGHT thing to do is before we jump the gun in a riotous rage, because when we do so, unfortunately we just joined the wrong team.



Heaven's slice is actually fighting for what's RIGHT.

Trumped

I don't always wear a crown... but when I do, chances are I'm taking a blog photo.

I come from a long line of Rook players (and royalty...but we won't get into that), so I learned at a young age how to play the card game. In the game, there is 4 card colours: yellow, green, black, and red numbered 1-14, and 1 rook card. At the beginning of the game/round the highest bidder gets to determine what colour trump is going to be. Trump thereafter refers to any card that is that decided colour plus the rook card. The lowest card in trump (the Rook) beats any other card in a different colour; even the highest one.

Being trumped on a round humbles you. You throw down your highest in red and they throw down a trump-yellow 2 and take all your points with them.







Trump always wins, always.















I've been trumped, and trumped others hundreds of times in Rook, but also in life.

Love is trump.

It's easy to love people that love you; they constantly lay down trump for you and you to them. Following suit comes naturally to us (and is the rule in Rook). So on the flip side, when another colour is constantly thrown your way from someone, you as well throw down that colour. It's victim card after victim card, judgement card after judgement card throw down between both parties. Until one humbling day... you get trumped. You're shocked, naturally, your victim cards cease to hold any value in your hand, you're embarrassed at what you chose to lay down previously, feelings of guilt, shame, lowliness, and utter absolute gratitude fill your heart. You suddenly realize what you've had in your hand all along that sat unused: trump! You gladly return it back to them once your confusion of feelings subside. Sometimes you get to be the one who trumps; who shows another love after they give you a card of no value... and it feels awesome! You won! You went against the natural man to just follow their suit, and you determined that you in fact chose the road less traveled by, which as you know, makes all the difference.

There are times when winning is a necessity, and love can always be there for you to do so.

So when someone constantly gives you lemons, trump them!
(I don't like lemonade)



Heaven's slice is love.

The Art of Listening

Sometimes I'm deaf.

(When I wear black studded earrings I feel like a trendy rebel - just thought you should know)

It's really hard for me to make out sentences let alone words from someone when there are surrounding noises. This is especially true when I'm in a crowd of people, because so many others are talking at the same time. I went in for a hearing test that showed I had perfectly normal hearing. I relayed to the testers that if there were other noises accompanying though, I wouldn't have done so well on the exam. Unfortunetly, they stated that that just wasn't how these tests worked. I was pretty bummed about the results; that handicap would have been nice to blame for my inability to listen.Why the rant? Because I LOVE listening, almost as much as I love being heard, and my inability to block out other noises is hindering me from being able to truly listen to people.

Though ears are for hearing, I believe that hearts are for listening. Listening means feeling, feeling for another's words that requires no similar story nor wisdomous(spell check and I are having a bit of a quarrel about this word, but I don't care I'm using it!) advice. It's the simple act of genuinely showing that someone's speech is valued, and in turn, that they themselves are valued.

I find it aggravatingly irritating when someone constantly either ignores what I say or immediately acts upon it.

Ignores - As in doesn't give any sort of interested word or even a glance your way.

Immediately acts upon - As in their brain is constantly spinning it's wheel on what they will say once you finally shut your mouth.They pounce on their own story or advice the very second you're done.

Either way, it's not listening. You are either viewing the speaker as invisible or as an object in which to bounce your own speech off of. It's not showing love, nor care, nor concern, which is what listening was always meant to show.

All of us I'm sure have had our share of experiences with friends, family, or acquaintances who have not listened when we wanted them to and it hurts.

But thankfully, no matter how many people in my life that may seem to not be listening, I know there will always be one who did. One who not only wanted to listen to my story, but know exactly with a perfect knowledge what my story was. Exactly how I felt in each situation, exactly how I acted and reacted, exactly in which ways I struggled and in which ways I succeeded... Exact enough that He died for me to know it, and to be my forever advocate because He knows my story. Christ, the perfect listener.

This post isn't supposed to be a 'high horse' type post, I truly have had many moments where I didn't listen when I should have. Only so many instances can be blamed on my deaf ears and mommy brain. A blanketed blog post apology may not be enough to fix any damages done, but I'm sorry regardless if I ever didn't listen to you when I should have.

I don't think that listening is a lost art upon us mortals, but I do think that it's an art often misplaced. People are listening, but no longer to the individual, they're putting their listening efforts into social media headaches and headlines. And it's sad, especially when it can make such a difference in someone else's day to just listen.

Heaven's slice is listening.

Frugality

I'm kind of in love with this word. I've got pride issues I struggle with, particularly in regards to this word. I'm pridefully frugal. Even so much so that if I find someone got something cheaper or is living more frugally an ugly green jealously monster jumps out before me and inside I throw a temper tantrum: "But I wanted to be the cheapest one of all!!!!!" A poison apples recipe comes into my possession and it's about all I can bare to rip it up before reading it.

Seriously though - It's definitely a flaw sin and it's dumb that I've chosen to take a run on the pride cycle with something so odd. I've started biting my tongue whenever I get a compliment with something I own or am wearing because it's become such a habit for me to immediately respond - 'It was $5, it was 50% off, I made it with scraps I had around, it was a gift, it was f-r-e-e!' Do they really care Julie? Probably not, and you're coming off cocky. (If you are around me much you may have noticed I actually am improving on this. Self 5!)

Anyways...Enough of my awkward ramblings.

Here are 3 actual may be helpful tips on being more frugal according to my prideful expertise:

#1  Thoughts and attitude are e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g

It is not a punishment nor should you ever feel shame for saving your money for other things of value and for future family needs. In fact doing so should make you have feelings of security, preparedness, freedom, independence, and peace. But, perhaps you should start feeling the shameful punishment of guilt for not saving the money needed to provide for your family (a family consists of 1 or more persons. No one is excluded). I think it's important for people to start getting uncomfortable with excessive spending. Having to change your attitude to better reflect this basically comes down to simply looking at the larger future picture and debating whether or not that money could be better used going towards other things: retirement plan, rainy day savings, BILLS, special occasions, gifts, charitable donations, groceries etc. It's really about justifying in your mind the act of NOT spending.

#2 Find out what's important to you and what's not 

(Do this with your spouse if you have one.) Money has no value if it is only kept and never used, but you must first establish what the best uses are for it. Of course there are standard uses such as bills and savings, but what about the fun? This is a very individualized step. If you can cut down on other spendings that don't matter to you as much, then you can put that money towards what does. If you love to eat out at nice restaurants, do it! Just make sure you cut down in other areas, so you can actually afford to do that. Just as an example - my husband and I love going on an anniversary surprise trip every year, but we really don't care about gifts or store bought cards as much. So, we don't buy each other Birthday, Christmas, or any sort of special occasion gifts, we pretty well just write heartfelt letters with perhaps an inexpensive treat or two. We also have future dreams that will cost money so we're saving up on that as well whilst cutting down in other areas. This 5 love languages quiz may help shed light on what's important to you relationship wise. 

#3  Set rules

This is also individualized. If you don't have clear boundary lines for items beforehand you will easily fall victim to the shiny store displays. Your rules also will start to set you into habits. For instance - I only buy clothes if they're on sale. My eyes only go where a sale sign is shown; I don't even notice anything else. Tops have to be $10 or less and pants $25 or less. (There may be 5 exceptions to this in my closet). I ask myself 'do I LOVE  this', or 'will I regret not buying it a month down the road?' These rules have helped me out a lot. 

The caution:
Sometimes I get too wrapped up in frugality that I don't look at the value behind the $ sign. There is extremes to frugality that can make you a little cooky. I struggle with with a little too much guilt at times and it's not only worrisome, but completely unnecessary. If you have a good savings stored and are not behind on any payments and such you really need to breathe and relax, expenses are ok even if they aren't a need. I Remember when we were first married and the hubs wanted to buy a brand new lawn mower and I about had a heart-attack, "why would we ever buy a new lawn mower?!" He brought me to sane thinking when he said "You realize we're going to have a lawn for the rest of our lives right?" I breathed and realized that buying new was probably worth it so we didn't have to borrow forever or worry about breakdowns with used ones. PS this was a simple push along mower I had the concerns about...like I said you can get cooky.



Heaven's slice is being frugal, but also HUMBLE...

Just you wait

Disclaimer: Before I start this I'd like to first state that there are NO individuals that stand out whatsoever in regards to my experiences with this. This is more or less a cultural trait I wish to shed light on because I'd like love to see some changes :)

Our culture as a whole in general has seemed to have feasted upon this "Just you wait" conversation holder:

"Just you wait till you've been married a couple...10... 40 years" 

"Just you wait till you're in the last trimester...in labor...the baby comes out."

"Just you wait till they start crawling... teething... walking"

"Just you wait till they're 2, 3, 4...10...14...18 years old."

"Just you wait till you have 2, 3...10 children"

It seems as though people have this need to make sure others know how horrible the next phase is going to be, have or having not been through it themselves. After the "Just you wait" phrase always comes a negative know-it-all notation that in fact the stages ahead are going to be miserable. Your beaming glow from the stage you're in and the stage you're looking forward to seems to draw out the fun-suckers of this world.

From my own life:
The glow from being newly engaged drew out many sarcastic comments on marriage and married life from others. The glow from pregnancy drew out horrible rants from mothers and their terrifying birthing and pregnancy stories. The glow from being close to the due date drew out awful concerns of my excitement - 'For don't you know that this is the easy part? You should keep that thing in there as long as you can! Sleepless nights, blowouts, sore body parts, depression ... JUST YOU WAIT!!!!' The glow from this new bundle drew out the even more awful news that diapers will get much much worse, screams from teething will make you go insane. Baby will get into everything once they're mobile don't you know, they destroy everything including your married relationship! The glow from dreaming of them as they get older, their grade school years, and yes even those tender wonders on their teenage struggles and how I'll help them through... drew out the CRASH AND BURN awful-hood warnings of your children getting older and even more horrid.

I really feel like the "Just you wait" phrase is secretly a wishful curse of agony upon your future household. Is there any kind of benefit that these mentions are supposed to have? What did people want me to say in these situations? - "You're right! I'll back out now! Thank you kindly for sharing your great wisdom o wise elder."

News flash (that's right that cliche just happened) I'm not you, my spouse is not your spouse, our love story is not your love story, my pregnancy and child birth is not going to be yours, and I therefore most certainly won't have the children you have nor mother them just like you. Your "Just you wait" threats haven't held so far and I don't see them ever holding in the future. Sure, there may be some truth to what you're saying, BUT your attitude in which you describe these events is not true to my situation.

Yet still... there was a most courageous minority who dared stand alone and gave me such humble words of  alleviation and pure glee for what lye ahead that it tugged at my heart ever-so truthfully. The miracle of love that enfolds you with the start of an embark like marriage and child-rearing is something that the just-you-wait's have yet to understand.

My marriage and motherhood have not come without slivers, scars, bumps and bruises, yet how gloriously beneficial, beautiful, magical and miraculous this ride has been so far.





I've never fought, yelled, kissed, or laughed harder nor thought, smiled, stepped, or dreamed bigger than I have with this man.

I've never lost more sleep, appetite, time, lunch, or brains nor gained more knowledge, insight, kindness, worry, love, nobility, courage, strength, endurance, compassion, joy, charity, or gratitude due to this girl.

To my past self thwarted with the cursings of people's "Just you wait's" I say:

"Just you wait - It's about to get even better. Though, I know you already knew that anyways so I'll just leave you to it. P.S. you're very pretty ;) "

Heaven's slice is seeing the beauty in each phase of life - ours and our children's.

The questions we should no longer ask

• Why aren't you dating anyone?
• Why don't you have a girl/boyfriend?
• When are you getting married?
• Why aren't you married?
• When are you gonna have kids?
• Why don't you have any kids?
• When are you having your next kid?
• How many kids do you want to have?
• Were you trying when you got pregnant?
• Was it planned?
• How long did you try before you got pregnant?
• When are you gonna stop having kids?
• Why do you have so many kids?

I'm sure there are many more questions like this, but this is all I could come up with for now. I imagine there may be a lull when you are done having children and the youngest one is older. Though, I can can only assume that others will then start asking these same questions again, this time regarding your children and grandchildren.

Why can't I ask these questions? 
                                                                                                                                                  Perfect photo for this post hey?! Found in our engagement archives!

Reason's should be obvious, but I will explain a little anyways: Because not everyone wears their heart on their sleeve and parades their personal life and trials with ease. Some people, I feel a lot of people, like to keep things personal between themselves and heavenly father.

You don't know if the person you just asked 'why aren't you dating anyone?' has been dealing with tremendous heartbreak and hurt from past relationships or from having no relationship opportunities at all. Why would you bring that hurt up socially to them? You don't know that the couple that has been dating for years upon years just had a huge heart wrenching argument last night about marriage and you just brought that sore spot up by asking 'why aren't you married?' You don't know that he was planning on proposing within the hour and you just put a damper on it by asking 'when are you getting married?' You don't know who had their 9th miscarriage in a row having no child in their arms to show for it, and you just asked them 'when are you having kids?' 'why don't you have kids?' or 'how many kids do you want?' You don't know that a child was just around the corner, heartbroken when their parents answered 'it was an oops' jest-fully to your question 'was that kid planned?' You don't know that the never-ending number of kidlets walking through the door were fought hard for by their parents and are the absolute joy in their life, and yet you sneeringly asked them 'when are you gonna stop having kids?' You also don't know who is in the room with you suffering through these sort of things as you so casually gossip about someone else's such personal struggles. You don't know, and truly, you don't need to know. 

"When to have a child and how many children to have are private decisions to be made between a husband and wife and the Lord."     - Neil L. Anderson 'Children'   (great talk)

Some people are silent trial keepers who deserve the respect to not have to awkwardly fumble through giving a socially acceptable answer to a non-socially acceptable question. We need to be respecters of privacy.

I realize that most people that ask these questions don't mean any harm by them, but yet the harm is still accomplished. I myself have probably asked a few of these, but I now thankfully know better. Let us come up with other questions to ask people to get to know them and learn from them. Let us also, choose not to divulge another's trial so casually with others.


Heaven's slice is respecting privacy.

Allowing yourself to be happy

In my oh-so-wise early teenager-dom I came to the conclusion that it was better to be merely ok than happy. Happiness was the peak of a roller coaster ride. It seemed to me that being truly happy was always cursed with falling into utter sadness.  Joyous occasions were only a precursor to a trial or tragedy. However, if I chose to not get too excited on the incline, then the decline would have less terrifying side-effects. So, with this wise clarity I developed a fear of being too happy. Therefore, I tried not to allow myself too much happiness.

Thankfully though, with new experiences came knowledge and maturity. I've grown to see happiness in a different venue: Happiness is a tight rope. To walk on a tight rope is so exhilarating and fun, but keep in mind you are human. You will fall from this tight rope. Even those who have seemingly mastered the tight rope walk, cannot stay on it 24/7 without falling here and there. So what can catch our fall? Hmmm... why the safety net of course! The stronger your faith the closer the safety net is to that tight rope, the lesser the fall, and the softer the landing.


We do not have to fear our happiness. We need to protect our happiness.

(The photo featured above is our very first photo as husband and wife. Clearly we're walking on our proverbial tight rope, as you can see by the GIGANTIC smiles we're flashing.)

The safety net of faith - What do you believe in? When it comes down to the nitty gritty bottom of lows, what do you believe in? Who do you cry out to? Who do you start to plead with? This is your faith in God. Your safety net can always get closer to your tight rope, no matter how strong you think your faith is. Improvement is eternal when it comes to your relationship with God; there is no end. How do we get it closer? Prayer, fasting, scripture study, charity/service, repentance... the list goes on and on. The thing we need to understand though, is that the safety net is personally woven by you and God. You cannot enlist the generous offer of hands to help from friends and family, you can not pay someone to do it for you, and you cannot weave it by yourself. It is a partnership of love between you and your maker.

Sometimes we stay on the tight rope for so long that we forget about our net and start becoming prideful in our talent of walking the tight rope. We get cocky. We get braggy. We get selfish. Thankfully the net will still be there when a burst of wind blows out our balance. The net will be much lower than before, but through the insight needed from the fall we are able to build our net back up closer to the tight rope again. Hopefully learning in the process to remember what brought us back to our happy and learn to value humility. This fall will have in turn marked the start of an even greater personal record of happy times.

Sometimes we fall out of happy. The reasons for this can vary from outside pressures to an inward desire to just stop trying. Whatever the reason we fall out of happy, we can find refuge and comfort on the safety net. It may be a long time before we can gain the strength to step back on the scary rope, and that's ok. The net is there for the weary heart that just needs rest; the length of stay is as long a it needs.

There are of course other helps for when we fall out of our happiness and don't know how to extinguish the fear to get back up. But, at it's very core, it's the safety net of faith that is the MANDATORY standard of helps.


Heaven's slice is allowing yourself to be happy through nourishing your faith.

Offended

It has become an increasingly evil word to me, more so than ever. Being "easily offended" is a phrase I used to mysteriously disguise in myself as "tender hearted." Ha! That wool was definitely pulled over my eyes. Now I am slowly but surely trying to remove this wool. Though it be difficult, it is necessary, for I know how it can spread quickly into our own detriment if not urgently treated.

These are my own personal tips that have been helps to me on this journey of no longer being easily offended, and being able to forgive at a quicker pace. Feel free to see if some work for you as well :)

1. Pray for whom you are offended by. This is not easy or sincere at first, but if you consistently keep them in your prayers, in time, a love for that person is formed and offences are dropped. Peace settles into your heart and there is no longer an issue.
2. Do not complain about them to others. I realize there is this philosophy that people need to "vent" but remember the right person to "vent" to. True peace and comfort is not found in the words of man, but who? You guessed it - Heavenly Father. Privately take the matter up to him, he can take the harsh rant you have in store and he not only understands where you're at better than anyone else but also where the other person is at better than anyone else. Only He can give you the complete listening space and freedom to talk on the subject and only He can grant you the answer in comfort, peace and guidance as to where to go from there. 
3. Remember that EVERY person in your life is a son or daughter of god. If you claim to love your Heavenly Father then try to find a love for his creations.
4. Read and ponder Christ's life and atonement. Miracles form in our lives when we make Him a part of ours. He loved us so much that he chose to learn of our specific individual lives in perfect knowledge through the atonement. If we but take some time daily to learn of his life, a transformation of ourselves can more easily be commenced. 
5. Remember being offended is a sin. Just remembering that can start the hope-filled repentance journey where the offence can be diminished.
6. Imagine how you would feel if you had done what they had done to you (Answer - Horrible!). Go with that feeling of utter heartache of guilt into it's depths. This causes you to realize you wish that pain on NO ONE ever! So it becomes easy to quickly forgive and forget.
7. Always assume you misunderstood what they said or did. I swear about 90% of arguments are based on a misunderstanding of what the other meant; so the odds are definitely in your favour if you assume you misunderstood. 
8. Pick your battles. Does this effect you directly day in day out, or is it a one time jab. One time jab - rub some dirt on it and move on. Day in day out wound - prepare the armour and gather the troops (in a kindly way of course).
9. Ask yourself - Am I pushing the knife in my side farther, or are they? If you are, then let it go, why are you hurting yourself? That's just dumb. If they are, then say something. I believe in teaching people how to treat you, so if someone is truly continually hurting you then simply tell them kindly and promptly, chances are they will apologize or state they did not mean it that way, making it super easy for you to forgive and move on.
10. Remember forgiving is a form of charity. You want charity in your countenance? Then you simply cannot choose to stay offended.
11. Be thou humble. You can not be offended and humble. Being humble to me means knowing that god is in charge. Opposite of humility is pride, which would mean you deny that god is in charge. You are in a state pridefunelness (let's pretend that's a word k?) when you are offended. Beware of the awful pride cycle! God praises the humble and curses the prideful, so motivation to quickly reinforce humility causes the offence to roll away from from my basket of burdens.
12. Have gratitude. I've come to find out that gratitude and happiness is one in the same. You can NOT have one and not the other. So, if you are offended then you are not happy right? So really what you're saying when you are offended is that you are ungrateful. Start counting/focusing-on your blessings and you will no longer be offended.
13. Beware of the "one" exception. " I'm not easily offended, it's just that _____(fill in name)______ ALWAYS... ON PURPOSE..." There can be no exceptions when it comes to forgiving, it is required of us to forgive all.
14. Have trouble memorizing or retaining information? Use that precious gift! Forget what they did, distract yourself with other thoughts and don't pull up those flashcards of past offences ever again. There is no information on that event that you need, so chuck it out of your head!
15. If you are offended by a look, you have hit rock bottom. People simply can not help the way their face is coming across to you. If you are offended by the way someone glanced at you or looked at you during conversation then you're definitely digging for any and all offences. Acknowledge your severe case of being offended and throw yourself in rehab asap.
16. Imagine (privately of course!) that they have some sort of mental handicap making them incapable of any accountability. I know this sounds cruel, but there has been times where this has truly helped me quickly switch my thoughts from anger to compassion. It is a last resort type go to method for me when I just need the hurt gone in a hurry. I have had many experiences with those who have severe mental illnesses and have said things to me like "you've been gaining weight, you can really tell in your face." I couldn't help but chuckle at the comment knowing that the mental illness which they had been diagnosed with caused a very distorted reality. But what if I didn't know this? You don't know who may have that severe handicap and has no idea what is inappropriate. 
17. Write a blog post about how to accomplish 'how not to be easily offended.' But seriously, this is the fake it till you make it approach that's proven to be a real help to me (a very recent help ;) ). Write down your thoughts on this subject, make it a type of teaching outline. Your own experiences will help motivate you to understand how 'being offended' damages your life as well as invoking a great change within.

This is an engagement photo from way back when. So ya... it has nothing to do with this post, but our faces and body language look like may be we could be offended... may be? I'm really just trying to always have a photo on posts so people won't mind the lengthy read as much. Fail? (Please don't answer that...)

This is a journey for me that I'm hoping stay on, it is not easy, but the results from incorporating this I know will bring me closer to the person I want to be.

Wish me luck on thickening my heart's cover!

Heaven's slice is choosing not to be offended.