The questions we should no longer ask

• Why aren't you dating anyone?
• Why don't you have a girl/boyfriend?
• When are you getting married?
• Why aren't you married?
• When are you gonna have kids?
• Why don't you have any kids?
• When are you having your next kid?
• How many kids do you want to have?
• Were you trying when you got pregnant?
• Was it planned?
• How long did you try before you got pregnant?
• When are you gonna stop having kids?
• Why do you have so many kids?

I'm sure there are many more questions like this, but this is all I could come up with for now. I imagine there may be a lull when you are done having children and the youngest one is older. Though, I can can only assume that others will then start asking these same questions again, this time regarding your children and grandchildren.

Why can't I ask these questions? 
                                                                                                                                                  Perfect photo for this post hey?! Found in our engagement archives!

Reason's should be obvious, but I will explain a little anyways: Because not everyone wears their heart on their sleeve and parades their personal life and trials with ease. Some people, I feel a lot of people, like to keep things personal between themselves and heavenly father.

You don't know if the person you just asked 'why aren't you dating anyone?' has been dealing with tremendous heartbreak and hurt from past relationships or from having no relationship opportunities at all. Why would you bring that hurt up socially to them? You don't know that the couple that has been dating for years upon years just had a huge heart wrenching argument last night about marriage and you just brought that sore spot up by asking 'why aren't you married?' You don't know that he was planning on proposing within the hour and you just put a damper on it by asking 'when are you getting married?' You don't know who had their 9th miscarriage in a row having no child in their arms to show for it, and you just asked them 'when are you having kids?' 'why don't you have kids?' or 'how many kids do you want?' You don't know that a child was just around the corner, heartbroken when their parents answered 'it was an oops' jest-fully to your question 'was that kid planned?' You don't know that the never-ending number of kidlets walking through the door were fought hard for by their parents and are the absolute joy in their life, and yet you sneeringly asked them 'when are you gonna stop having kids?' You also don't know who is in the room with you suffering through these sort of things as you so casually gossip about someone else's such personal struggles. You don't know, and truly, you don't need to know. 

"When to have a child and how many children to have are private decisions to be made between a husband and wife and the Lord."     - Neil L. Anderson 'Children'   (great talk)

Some people are silent trial keepers who deserve the respect to not have to awkwardly fumble through giving a socially acceptable answer to a non-socially acceptable question. We need to be respecters of privacy.

I realize that most people that ask these questions don't mean any harm by them, but yet the harm is still accomplished. I myself have probably asked a few of these, but I now thankfully know better. Let us come up with other questions to ask people to get to know them and learn from them. Let us also, choose not to divulge another's trial so casually with others.


Heaven's slice is respecting privacy.