Beautiful Bodies Part IV (4)

The crusade continues! But this time you'll probably need a gallon of sugar or a salt block because it lacks a lot of tactfulness - choose whichever your taste buds prefer :)

My main plea is for something so wickedly common, socially acceptable and unbelievably popular to just STOP.


The non-compliment compliment.
Too many of us do this, and it's lame sauce.
"Your hair's so shiny and thick! Mine is so scraggly and dull."
"Your so thin, I wish I was as thin as you."
"If only I had long skinny legs like you."
"You're teeth are so perfect. Mine are so crooked and yellow."
"I wish I could sing like you can, I'm an awful singer."

...

When someone says these type of non-compliment compliments to me, I am so clueless as to how I should respond. Compliments usually warrant a thank you, graciously accepting the kind words, but for some reason I feel immense guilt if I do that. It's so weird that we disguise a personal torment as a kind word to someone, but yet it happens (dare I exaggerate) ALL THE STINKING TIME with us woman. We need to recognize how to give an actual compliment, because these type of phrases are soooo not compliments. Compliments are supposed to uplift and encourage, not put forth a forceful pity on oneself; it's supposed to be selfless not selfish.


Side rant questionnaire - What are we supposed to say?
I'm literally asking, because I have no idea. If someone constantly brings up how fat they are or some other horrible word or adjective of unattractiveness over and over to us every time we talk to them, what are we supposed to say? You tell them 'no you're not' or 'no you don't' and try to bring up every positive gorgeous thing about them just shy of reciting a personalized sonnet... and yet it's NEVER to any avail, and they continue their rant further. I applaud men; to actually continue the compliments even though they literally fall on deaf ears every time is pretty noble.


The bully in all of us.
Most all of us wouldn't dare focus our conversations amongst each other around the bashing of others' physical flaws we see. I think most all of us would agree that that's bullying, and who isn't against that? Yet we continually vocalize such harsh cruel words about someone so casually in our conversations. Just because it's our own words against our own bodies doesn't make it any less serious or harmful, let's not kid ourselves - it's BULLYING. Heckling ourselves in public is kind of what's been taught by every generation of women as far back as we can hear. Heck our Great-grandmothers still do it! (If I'm 80 and complaining about my weight please punch me in the face) Our short-comings, our body design flaws, our talentless energies - all a totally strongly-encouraged acceptable way to socialize. Once someone starts, it then ripples forth to all the others to start talking about what they find ugly about themselves... and at last you're the lone one everyone's looking at like 'aren't you gonna say something?' and you just awkwardly fumble out "I have really bad breath in the morning." Yep, straight from the movie Mean Girls ;). Because that's what we've become when we do this - we're mean girls; We're bullying someone and encouraging all of whom are in the sound of our voice to also bully someone.


You're not just hurting you.
A couple years back I decided to no longer vocalize hurtful things about myself to others and became very self-conscious about what I said. My inner-voice of course still has it's harmful moments, but ever since I kicked out the actual spoken words, it too has seemed to silence itself for the most part. Since becoming so aware of this and trying hard not to talk hate on myself, I've run into something interestingly sad - I've noticed when others bash themselves to me that it stirs up an intense urge to start bashing on myself too. Even post conversation my mind is spinning with horrible thoughts of ugliness towards my body image. This all because someone else started to vocally bully themselves. I don't think we realize the harmful effects we have on other woman and even worse, on young girls when we start saying such mean things about ourselves.


Fear of being conceded.
May be one of the reasons this has been such a hard war to fight is because we have such fears of being viewed as conceded or vain. This doesn't make any sense though, because what we're trying to be seen as is humble ultimately, and humility is NOT an ugly thing. In fact it's one of the most beautiful things one can obtain; It's knowing you're magnificent and giving gratitude and praise to whom created it. It's silently knowing how glorious you are, no longer needing the public validation of this nor having to share it socially.


Motivation.
I feel like my generation has a responsibility to change the way we as woman see ourselves. The war on our bodies has gone too far and I want to carry the littlest generation out of this miserable depression. This is why I'm trying so hard to change myself - it's not for me, it's for them.

So just stop vocally bashing yourself - easy peasy (ish). Stay tuned for a later post to help ya out with this if you so desire to also join in on the crusade ;)

Pretty sure I've laid the guilt on overly-thick here, but that's the best I can do due to lack of editing time and brain mushiness. Sorry it wasn't warm and fuzzy, but this might help.



Heaven's slice is knowing you're beautiful.