Insecure Momma Drama

Over the past few months I've noticed several links to articles bashing what other parents have done for their kids and vocalizing why their way is right. As I've read these posts, all I really get from them is that the author is obviously insecure about how they parent - They felt the need to quickly go public with specifics on how someone else is parenting/living different than them so they must be wrong. Good parents inspire others to find their own way and encourage them, not throw out fact after fact and advice after advice from their own prideful (insecure) brain.

Being different isn't wrong.
Just because Barbara Liv Sally likes to let her children make tons of messes doing crafts and experiments, doesn't mean that Becky Lou Sue is a bad parent for trying to maintain a clutter free home with having her kids clean up throughout the day. Just because Jill Fan Gladys decorates elaborate gorgeous cakes for her children's birthdays doesn't mean Jane Franny Glory is a bad parent for writing a long birthday letter every year for that child storing it for their big 18th birthday gift. Just because Peggy Tate Joe cooks quick simple meals doesn't mean that Precious Tori Jane is a bad parent for spending hours in the kitchen cooking gourmet elaborate meals. Just because Lucy Doll Terry makes her kids go puddle jumping in whatever clothes they're in doesn't mean Louise Day Tom is a bad parent because she makes sure her kids are in nice clean clothes and has them keep it that way.
(I should have been an official cabbage patch doll namer)

Pinterest is NOT out to get you.

If you are getting offended at seeing prettified images of people and things pertaining to parenting and entertainment with their kids, you need to take a pro-longed vacation from the inter-web. All pinterest is is ideas; ideas to take or leave, pin or scroll down, to use/copy or ignore. 

When you're a happy parent, you're the BEST parent. 

A parent that's stressed and overwhelmed makes their kids also feel stressed and overwhelmed. Hence a parent that is happy also has happy kids (of course it's ok not to be happy at times). The key to being a happy parent is finding out more about yourself, digging deep into what your stresses are and what your enjoyment is; simply incorporating more of your enjoyments and avoiding your stresses.  As a parent you must always provide for your children's basic needs (obviously) but as for the rest it's what you as the parent opt in for. Some people get stressed having a messy house while others get stressed having to commit to the time and energy to clean their house. Some people have a love of baking for others while others have a love of just listening to others. Some people love to be social and involved in a ton of committees, while others feel stressed in social situations and the responsibilities that incur with committees. Whatever you like to do, whatever you're passionate about, take pride in, talented with, whatever makes you happy... DO IT! And incorporate your kids with whatever that is! Sure, it's gonna take 5 times longer, but if it's something you actually enjoy doing then the time won't matter, in fact it'll be fun! You'll have a smile on and so will they.

No parent is the same, and we need to quit taking in all this advice stating parents have to be so rigidly cloned, right down to the phrases we say to our children. It's not reality, nor should it ever be. Every person is different - so too obviously is every child and parent.

I stand by what I said in my PUTTING YOUR CHILDREN IN BOXES post:

"...teach your children they are loved and show them to love. There are many ways a child can be reared, but there is one founding principle it always needs to come back to and that is love." -me

"This child came to you, therefore Heavenly Father matched your specific and individual wonderful gifts, talents, and personality to nurture this precious gift. Prayerfully raising your child with love WILL be enough" -me




I still love this quote too:

"As a mother you have been given divine instincts to help you sense your child's special talents and unique capacities." - Elder Richard G. Scott The Eternal Blessings of Marriage

Your kids are just that - YOUR KIDS. Focus on your family, not the family down the street (unless there's some serious red flags going on that need to be reported ...  obviously)

I'm very opinionated when it comes to parenting my own child, but that's because I know I'm the expert on my own child, as are you to yours. Individual opinions really only solicit the need for talk with one's spouse in how you both wish to raise your kidlets.



Heaven's slice is being a happy and secure parent.

Beautiful Bodies Part IV (4)

The crusade continues! But this time you'll probably need a gallon of sugar or a salt block because it lacks a lot of tactfulness - choose whichever your taste buds prefer :)

My main plea is for something so wickedly common, socially acceptable and unbelievably popular to just STOP.


The non-compliment compliment.
Too many of us do this, and it's lame sauce.
"Your hair's so shiny and thick! Mine is so scraggly and dull."
"Your so thin, I wish I was as thin as you."
"If only I had long skinny legs like you."
"You're teeth are so perfect. Mine are so crooked and yellow."
"I wish I could sing like you can, I'm an awful singer."

...

When someone says these type of non-compliment compliments to me, I am so clueless as to how I should respond. Compliments usually warrant a thank you, graciously accepting the kind words, but for some reason I feel immense guilt if I do that. It's so weird that we disguise a personal torment as a kind word to someone, but yet it happens (dare I exaggerate) ALL THE STINKING TIME with us woman. We need to recognize how to give an actual compliment, because these type of phrases are soooo not compliments. Compliments are supposed to uplift and encourage, not put forth a forceful pity on oneself; it's supposed to be selfless not selfish.


Side rant questionnaire - What are we supposed to say?
I'm literally asking, because I have no idea. If someone constantly brings up how fat they are or some other horrible word or adjective of unattractiveness over and over to us every time we talk to them, what are we supposed to say? You tell them 'no you're not' or 'no you don't' and try to bring up every positive gorgeous thing about them just shy of reciting a personalized sonnet... and yet it's NEVER to any avail, and they continue their rant further. I applaud men; to actually continue the compliments even though they literally fall on deaf ears every time is pretty noble.


The bully in all of us.
Most all of us wouldn't dare focus our conversations amongst each other around the bashing of others' physical flaws we see. I think most all of us would agree that that's bullying, and who isn't against that? Yet we continually vocalize such harsh cruel words about someone so casually in our conversations. Just because it's our own words against our own bodies doesn't make it any less serious or harmful, let's not kid ourselves - it's BULLYING. Heckling ourselves in public is kind of what's been taught by every generation of women as far back as we can hear. Heck our Great-grandmothers still do it! (If I'm 80 and complaining about my weight please punch me in the face) Our short-comings, our body design flaws, our talentless energies - all a totally strongly-encouraged acceptable way to socialize. Once someone starts, it then ripples forth to all the others to start talking about what they find ugly about themselves... and at last you're the lone one everyone's looking at like 'aren't you gonna say something?' and you just awkwardly fumble out "I have really bad breath in the morning." Yep, straight from the movie Mean Girls ;). Because that's what we've become when we do this - we're mean girls; We're bullying someone and encouraging all of whom are in the sound of our voice to also bully someone.


You're not just hurting you.
A couple years back I decided to no longer vocalize hurtful things about myself to others and became very self-conscious about what I said. My inner-voice of course still has it's harmful moments, but ever since I kicked out the actual spoken words, it too has seemed to silence itself for the most part. Since becoming so aware of this and trying hard not to talk hate on myself, I've run into something interestingly sad - I've noticed when others bash themselves to me that it stirs up an intense urge to start bashing on myself too. Even post conversation my mind is spinning with horrible thoughts of ugliness towards my body image. This all because someone else started to vocally bully themselves. I don't think we realize the harmful effects we have on other woman and even worse, on young girls when we start saying such mean things about ourselves.


Fear of being conceded.
May be one of the reasons this has been such a hard war to fight is because we have such fears of being viewed as conceded or vain. This doesn't make any sense though, because what we're trying to be seen as is humble ultimately, and humility is NOT an ugly thing. In fact it's one of the most beautiful things one can obtain; It's knowing you're magnificent and giving gratitude and praise to whom created it. It's silently knowing how glorious you are, no longer needing the public validation of this nor having to share it socially.


Motivation.
I feel like my generation has a responsibility to change the way we as woman see ourselves. The war on our bodies has gone too far and I want to carry the littlest generation out of this miserable depression. This is why I'm trying so hard to change myself - it's not for me, it's for them.

So just stop vocally bashing yourself - easy peasy (ish). Stay tuned for a later post to help ya out with this if you so desire to also join in on the crusade ;)

Pretty sure I've laid the guilt on overly-thick here, but that's the best I can do due to lack of editing time and brain mushiness. Sorry it wasn't warm and fuzzy, but this might help.



Heaven's slice is knowing you're beautiful.

Our Heart's Condition

Last week we had General Conference. This talk was in the Priesthood session and as I read it, I just LOVED all the insight it gave. Here are a few of my favourite words from it.
You can listen or read the whole talk by Clicking here - On Being Genuine by Pres. Dieter F. Uchtdorf

 "  if Jesus Christ were to sit down with us and ask for an accounting of our stewardship, I am not sure He would focus much on programs and statistics. What the Savior would want to know is the condition of our heart. He would want to know how we love and minister to those in our care, how we show our love to our spouse and family, and how we lighten their daily load. And the Savior would want to know how you and I grow closer to Him and to our Heavenly Father.  "
...

"  The Church is not an automobile showroom—a place to put ourselves on display so that others can admire our spirituality, capacity, or prosperity. It is more like a service center, where vehicles in need of repair come for maintenance and rehabilitation.

And are we not, all of us, in need of repair, maintenance, and rehabilitation?

We come to church not to hide our problems but to heal them.  "

...

"  Remember, brethren, “God resist[s] the proud, but give[s] grace unto the humble.”^{14    "}

Heaven's slice is sincerely getting to know 'the condition of our heart.'

He Lives

As fun (and delicious) as mini-eggs are, and as cute and cuddly as bunnies and chicks are... The true reason of Easter is of course remembering Christ's atonement - His suffering in the Garden of Gethsemene, His crucifixion, and His glorious resurrection.


He Lives Video (click)
(It's short, and AWESOME)

For me,

The most joyous feeling one can have is that of comfort and peace.
The Saviour makes this feeling possible in the deepest most all-incompassing way. What brings me the most comfort in life is just knowing that someone understands me, completely. No one is the same, and regardless of whether or not individuals encounter the exact same physical moment, no one  will ever walk out feeling the exact same way. People can offer sympathy, but I believe that only Christ can offer the true empathy that is needed to gain comfort. There have been dark times when even I don't understand the problems or feelings that are being circulated through me, but as I've reached out to my Saviour I have felt the healing balm of His reassurance that He knows and He understands exactly what I'm going through. Through comfort I can gain that peace I need to calm my troubled heart.

The most terrifying awful feeling one can have is guilt.
The Saviour soothes this pain by offering His atonement, so that through true repentance you can release your guilt and move forward clean again.

The most helpless you can feel is when your body is battling a life-threatening condition - whether illness or sudden accident.
The Saviour gives hope and help in this by conquering death through the resurrection, through him, everyone shall live long beyond the passing of one's mortal body and given the opportunity to rise again with a perfected body.


The Saviour covers all pain, all joy, and all the in between.


Heaven's slice is knowing that He's here.