Self Discovery

There are many new things I've come to find out about myself this past year and I'd like to share a precious few with you:

1. I can sing almost as good as Briar Rose (Princess Aurora, but that's not who she thinks she is when she sings). It's amazing what singing 'Once upon a dream,' over and over again can do for your voice. No, you will not hear me do any singing. You will just have to take my one year old's word for how good I am... actually she can't speak english yet, so you'll just have to trust me on this; her eyes light up and cuddles sink into me as I sing and I just know I'm doing a pretty dang near pitch-perfect job.
2. I'm kind of a big deal. I'm almost all of this little munchkin's entire world. She loves me like an immense amount and is totally obsessed with me. Even if I'm in the bathroom she'll have her darling little fingers clawing under the door desperately wanting to be with me. A bathroom break is too long to be without me equals level 1000 of big-dealness. She may just love me almost as much as I love her...
3. I'm ha-larious.  Even a look or a sudden unintentional movement can give my daughter laughs for miles. She squeals giggles at all my facial expressions, touches, jokes, footsteps... I'm pretty well just one great big bundle of humour. 
4. I can change diapers without dry-heaving. Seriously, it was sooooo hard for me to change diapers before having my own baby. Honestly having your own child is COMPLETELY different. I haven't had 1 moments trouble with diaper changing my little one... Except in the hospital when I first had her... I literally kept forgetting to change her, I was just so busy feeding and snuggling her. Pretty sure some of the nurses were a little concerned with my mothering skills as they changed her 9/10 times. Don't worry though, I got it together when I got her home and child services were called off thank goodness!
   
5. My favourite cereal is Raison Bran. Weird right? I used to LOVE fruit loops and all the yummy goodness of sugary breakfast cereals, but now I HATE them all with a passion. They've tried to kill me too many times this past year, but not my dear Raison Bran. It kicks off a delight to my morning that I can't fully describe; It's just such a comfort to know that I can eat something that I know for a surety will not cause me any horrible pains later on. (pains far worse than my labor ever was).
6. I like having my house tidy. Not that I didn't before, but having messy spaces didn't bother me the way it does now. Having a tidy/clean house was always kinda my hubby's thing, but now it's kinda mine too. I make the bed almost every single day - this did not happen a year ago. Being without a dishwasher for the past 7 years has really made me so grateful for having one that my dishes are constantly being done... of course having a very open concept house kinda forces you to keep your kitchen clean since it's in every door knocker's view.
7. I won't be having anymore house pets. I had always dreamed of having an indoor pet cat as my parents never allowed it growing up. A year after we got married we got a kitten who grew into a cat in our last house we used to rent before baby. Anyhoo, with a new baby plus our first home purchase came new furniture and it was just going to be a nightmare watching over our cat with it all, so we sent him to live with fellow cats at my parent's place. Honestly, we really did love our Jettstofur, but not having cat hair everywhere, sratched to heck furniture, litter box management, and food under lock and key has been a-m-a-z-i-n-g. If we lived in the country we'd for sure have outside pets, but it's been glorious not having an animal in our house full-time. 
8. I can get rid of my clothes. I'm not a hoarder, I'm a chucker, except when it comes to my clothes. Though, due to this past year having limited closet space and an attitude adjustment, I've gotten rid of quite a few clothes guilt-free! It also has to do with seeing my nieces wearing them and looking way cuter than I ever did in them. I also started really cracking down on hardly buying anything new. It's always felt good to get rid of stuff for me as I hate clutter. Having lots of stuff always makes me feel all panicky like I have to try to save all of it if a flood happens or I have to pack all this stuff up if we ever have to hastily move (ahh!). But, I've started to adapt this panic into my clothes hoarding ways, small steps of course, but it's getting there!

I realize that #1- 3 are true to most all mommies, but does it make it any less incredible to be loved this much?!


Heaven's slice is self discovery.

Just you wait

Disclaimer: Before I start this I'd like to first state that there are NO individuals that stand out whatsoever in regards to my experiences with this. This is more or less a cultural trait I wish to shed light on because I'd like love to see some changes :)

Our culture as a whole in general has seemed to have feasted upon this "Just you wait" conversation holder:

"Just you wait till you've been married a couple...10... 40 years" 

"Just you wait till you're in the last trimester...in labor...the baby comes out."

"Just you wait till they start crawling... teething... walking"

"Just you wait till they're 2, 3, 4...10...14...18 years old."

"Just you wait till you have 2, 3...10 children"

It seems as though people have this need to make sure others know how horrible the next phase is going to be, have or having not been through it themselves. After the "Just you wait" phrase always comes a negative know-it-all notation that in fact the stages ahead are going to be miserable. Your beaming glow from the stage you're in and the stage you're looking forward to seems to draw out the fun-suckers of this world.

From my own life:
The glow from being newly engaged drew out many sarcastic comments on marriage and married life from others. The glow from pregnancy drew out horrible rants from mothers and their terrifying birthing and pregnancy stories. The glow from being close to the due date drew out awful concerns of my excitement - 'For don't you know that this is the easy part? You should keep that thing in there as long as you can! Sleepless nights, blowouts, sore body parts, depression ... JUST YOU WAIT!!!!' The glow from this new bundle drew out the even more awful news that diapers will get much much worse, screams from teething will make you go insane. Baby will get into everything once they're mobile don't you know, they destroy everything including your married relationship! The glow from dreaming of them as they get older, their grade school years, and yes even those tender wonders on their teenage struggles and how I'll help them through... drew out the CRASH AND BURN awful-hood warnings of your children getting older and even more horrid.

I really feel like the "Just you wait" phrase is secretly a wishful curse of agony upon your future household. Is there any kind of benefit that these mentions are supposed to have? What did people want me to say in these situations? - "You're right! I'll back out now! Thank you kindly for sharing your great wisdom o wise elder."

News flash (that's right that cliche just happened) I'm not you, my spouse is not your spouse, our love story is not your love story, my pregnancy and child birth is not going to be yours, and I therefore most certainly won't have the children you have nor mother them just like you. Your "Just you wait" threats haven't held so far and I don't see them ever holding in the future. Sure, there may be some truth to what you're saying, BUT your attitude in which you describe these events is not true to my situation.

Yet still... there was a most courageous minority who dared stand alone and gave me such humble words of  alleviation and pure glee for what lye ahead that it tugged at my heart ever-so truthfully. The miracle of love that enfolds you with the start of an embark like marriage and child-rearing is something that the just-you-wait's have yet to understand.

My marriage and motherhood have not come without slivers, scars, bumps and bruises, yet how gloriously beneficial, beautiful, magical and miraculous this ride has been so far.





I've never fought, yelled, kissed, or laughed harder nor thought, smiled, stepped, or dreamed bigger than I have with this man.

I've never lost more sleep, appetite, time, lunch, or brains nor gained more knowledge, insight, kindness, worry, love, nobility, courage, strength, endurance, compassion, joy, charity, or gratitude due to this girl.

To my past self thwarted with the cursings of people's "Just you wait's" I say:

"Just you wait - It's about to get even better. Though, I know you already knew that anyways so I'll just leave you to it. P.S. you're very pretty ;) "

Heaven's slice is seeing the beauty in each phase of life - ours and our children's.

Gratitude

It is such a privilege that we have General Conference. 

Every 6 month the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints' church leaders speak on a variety of spiritual topics over the course of 2 days. 

These talks are broadcasted throughout the world and are available on lds.org and church magazines to read and view thereon after. 

Technology can be amazing.

The morning of April 6th I was exhausted. My awesome husband brought me the iPad in bed while he took our little one downstairs to watch conference on our local cable station. I laid cuddled up in bed with the iPad propped on a pillow watching it via the Internet. The first talk I got to hear was President Dieter F. Uchdorf's. It was nothing short of amazing and awe-inspiring. Even though my viewing situation was shall we say slightly pretty irreverent, the spirit of it's truthfulness struck me ever-so awake and hanging on every word. I LOVE this talk! So much so that not only am I doing a post on it, but I'm begging you to read it before reading on any further.

Click on the link below where you can read it or watch the video. Then you can read on back here at your leisure :)

Grateful in Any Circumstances - President Dieter F. Uchtdorf

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Feeling guilty about not reading it yet?

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Read it yet?!
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Thank you for adhering to my plea. Wasn't it so good! Such an eye opening talk for me for sure.


I think a little background leading up to the Sunday I first heard this talk needs to be shared:                                                                                          

We spent Saturday skiing in the neighbour country to the south, first time in a couple years skiing, and it was nothing short of wonderful. There was no wind, it was so warm that I was never cold, the snow was perfect - powder on top then a little slushy closer to the bottom (which I actually kinda prefer cause I'm weird like that). Our daughter was being tended at the bottom lodge by her grandma and was ever so good. We got to watch the fun year end pond skimming contest that was super entertaining and consisted of a sweet flip off a jump into the pond. It was just great. Then we headed back to the nearby town lending a ride to a fellow skier who missed his bus. We found out upon starting to leave he was hammered, BUT that was ok, the town wasn't that far, we were doing a good deed, and he really wasn't that obnoxious. After dropping him off we came to realize my coat, hoodie, and the hubs' gloves were left at the base lodge. So, we drove all the way back up the mountain, BUT they were right where we left them and we beat the cleanup team as the mountain was being closed for the season.  We drove to Taco Bell for a much craved crunch wrap supreme. We went through the drive-through because the little one was asleep. It was soooooo slow with a big line in front and behind us, BUT we noticed my parents pulled into the parking lot and went inside and while rummaging through the console for something, we noticed my dad's passport. I quickly jumped out and ran in to return it to him, he didn't even notice it was gone and if the line up had been short we would have missed seeing them pull up and probably wouldn't have noticed we even had the passport. We went shopping quick (not so quick actually, dang you ROSS, sorry honey!!) and then due to some unforeseen and unplanned pit stops were running very late for the border. So late we had to turn back, and drive 2 hours out of our way to a different border. BUT our little kidlet was fast asleep in the back happy and healthy the whole drive to the next border, we got to stop at a gas station where the hubs bought a can of jalapeno pringles that took me back to memory lane to our first month of marriage in that teeny tiny apartment (the 1 and only month I'd ever tasted and ate them daily), and upon reaching the border we zipped through the quickest we've ever encountered at a border. Our home was accounted for, tidy, and the bed was amazing to crash on. However, it was obviously very late so that is why Sunday morning I clung to my covers whining to watch conference in bed. (Thanks honey!) Then, as I stated, I listened to the talk which keeps playing in my mind rooting a deeper connection within.

I was so pleased with myself from Saturday's experiences. There were many things to complain about, but my mind quickly flipped each situation with a positive or an at least _________(worse case scenario)_______ didn't happen. I had adverted every bitter complaint of that day and focused on the positives and even pridefully thought I had managed to selflessly give my husband the same rose-colored goggles.

This talk opened my eyes into the depth of true gratitude. Not the gratitude from 'I'm grateful these things didn't happen', or even gratitude from materialistic things, to health, to independence, to people currently in my life, but the much larger, constant, unchangeable truths that I need to draw my thanksgiving foundation from.

The primary song 'The Wise Man and the Foolish Man' comes to mind:

1. 1. The wise man built his house upon the rock,
   The wise man built his house upon the rock,
   The wise man built his house upon the rock,
   And the rains came tumbling down.
2. 2. The rains came down, and the floods came up,
   The rains came down, and the floods came up,
   The rains came down, and the floods came up,
   And the house on the rock stood still.
3. 3. The foolish man built his house upon the sand,
   The foolish man built his house upon the sand,
   The foolish man built his house upon the sand,
   And the rains came tumbling down.
4. 4. The rains came down, and the floods came up,
   The rains came down, and the floods came up,
   The rains came down, and the floods came up,
   And the house on the sand washed away.

Have I been building a house my spirit of thanksgiving on sand or rock? It really struck me to dive deeper into my thankful-hood. The words of the talk forced me to look upon that which I am most grateful for and that which I know to be a constant truth to be grateful for. When circumstances start pulling away some of the bounteous blessings I have been given, I can know of a surety my house can still stand in gratitude.

My knowledge of Heavenly Father and his love for me, Christ's infinite atonement for all, life after death, and many other gospel truths can still be a force of gratefulness in my life despite situations I encounter. How wonderful that is.

This talk was an invitation for me, an invitation to put forth more focus on the gratitude of god and less on worldly circumstances, and I hope I can rise to the call.

" May we “live in thanksgiving daily”18—especially during the seemingly unexplainable endings that are part of mortality. May we allow our souls to expand in thankfulness toward our merciful Heavenly Father. May we ever and constantly raise our voices and show by word and deed our gratitude to our Father in Heaven and to His Beloved Son, Jesus Christ. "

                                                           - Pres. Dieter F. Uchtdorf

For more talks from this past General Conference here is the link: General Conference April 2014

Heaven's slice is a grateful heart.

My Quirks

Random things you may not know about me:

1. I don't like getting my hair or nails done or massages. I'm very uncomfortable when someone is in that close of personal space and touching me. Hugs are totally fine, but other than that I don't know why anyone has to get in that close of personal space with me unless you're my hubs, snuggly little one, or a certified health care professional... in other words I'm NOT your spa-loving-type gal.

2. I've had grey hairs since I was 19, and am secretly kinda proud of it. I really don't know why, but it makes me feel unique and wise (like Rogue from X-men). Though, I do dye it may be once a year cause it does start to bother me when too many strands start pursuing the silver glory.

3. I have a Friends obsession - I mean F*R*I*E*N*D*S obsession as in the tv series. I have all of the seasons and having watched them beginning to end numerous times, they've kinda become a weird part of me. It's like I feel I was in them as every character and when someone brings an episode up a part of me is like, "you weren't even there!!!" It's weird I know but that brings me to the next one...

4. I get too into tv/movies. I really have to watch what I can watch. Scary movies are forbidden. I get too caught up in them to the point where it's like I'm inside the screen and it's all too real. If I watch something particularly disturbing I must watch something else humorous to cover up the would be nightmares. Usually to do so I pop in a certain tv series.

5. I feel I have this talent of counting seconds. I remember when I was little being bored at basketball games so I would look at the score board time. I'd look away and start counting with it and when I'd look back I got to be exactly at the time that it said. Even now I still count in my head with the microwave.

6. I use semi-colons like I'm the grammar/english queen; but truthfully, I still don't know the correct way to use them. I used to just steer clear of ever using them, but then I started getting away with slipping them in here and there. I began using them often in many documents, even work documents, even in editing others' work documents. I'm pretty well tricking people that I know what I'm doing; but I don't, I really don't. It's like every time I use a semi-colon I get the exhilarating excitement of 'am I gonna get away with it?!' May be I'm starting to get why rich people shoplift...

7. This blog has become a HUGE passion for me and a blessing. I have anywhere's from 3-7 posts in my editing thinger awaiting to be published onto the blog. My mind is always spinning with ideas and clever ways to state my opinions on such things. This blog has given me the avenue to focus in on an idea running through my brain and really hone in on what it means to me. I'm able to not only focus and write, but also put my words out there to the public, which really truly is NOT like me. I've always been held back with my un-diagnosed level of social anxiety. This blog has given me a giant leap forward in getting out of that dreaded panic.

8. I hate how many times I used the word "I" in this post. Almost every sentence begins with the same letter and I hate doing that. Usually I would go back and try to spin different sentences starting with a different word, but a small part of me is defiantly lazy - That one probably should have been titled as #9...

Heaven's slice is embracing your quirks.

The questions we should no longer ask

• Why aren't you dating anyone?
• Why don't you have a girl/boyfriend?
• When are you getting married?
• Why aren't you married?
• When are you gonna have kids?
• Why don't you have any kids?
• When are you having your next kid?
• How many kids do you want to have?
• Were you trying when you got pregnant?
• Was it planned?
• How long did you try before you got pregnant?
• When are you gonna stop having kids?
• Why do you have so many kids?

I'm sure there are many more questions like this, but this is all I could come up with for now. I imagine there may be a lull when you are done having children and the youngest one is older. Though, I can can only assume that others will then start asking these same questions again, this time regarding your children and grandchildren.

Why can't I ask these questions? 
                                                                                                                                                  Perfect photo for this post hey?! Found in our engagement archives!

Reason's should be obvious, but I will explain a little anyways: Because not everyone wears their heart on their sleeve and parades their personal life and trials with ease. Some people, I feel a lot of people, like to keep things personal between themselves and heavenly father.

You don't know if the person you just asked 'why aren't you dating anyone?' has been dealing with tremendous heartbreak and hurt from past relationships or from having no relationship opportunities at all. Why would you bring that hurt up socially to them? You don't know that the couple that has been dating for years upon years just had a huge heart wrenching argument last night about marriage and you just brought that sore spot up by asking 'why aren't you married?' You don't know that he was planning on proposing within the hour and you just put a damper on it by asking 'when are you getting married?' You don't know who had their 9th miscarriage in a row having no child in their arms to show for it, and you just asked them 'when are you having kids?' 'why don't you have kids?' or 'how many kids do you want?' You don't know that a child was just around the corner, heartbroken when their parents answered 'it was an oops' jest-fully to your question 'was that kid planned?' You don't know that the never-ending number of kidlets walking through the door were fought hard for by their parents and are the absolute joy in their life, and yet you sneeringly asked them 'when are you gonna stop having kids?' You also don't know who is in the room with you suffering through these sort of things as you so casually gossip about someone else's such personal struggles. You don't know, and truly, you don't need to know. 

"When to have a child and how many children to have are private decisions to be made between a husband and wife and the Lord."     - Neil L. Anderson 'Children'   (great talk)

Some people are silent trial keepers who deserve the respect to not have to awkwardly fumble through giving a socially acceptable answer to a non-socially acceptable question. We need to be respecters of privacy.

I realize that most people that ask these questions don't mean any harm by them, but yet the harm is still accomplished. I myself have probably asked a few of these, but I now thankfully know better. Let us come up with other questions to ask people to get to know them and learn from them. Let us also, choose not to divulge another's trial so casually with others.


Heaven's slice is respecting privacy.