My Irrational Fears

Warning: There is no profound message in this post. I just thought that by throwing this out there someone somewhere would connect to it and we would have a deep understanding of each other's weirdness through the wonder that is the interweb.

(some of)My irrational fears are as follows:

• If I wear white I will get stains on it, though this doesn't stop me from wearing it cause I'm like super daring.
• If I cry in front of people they will now have a HUGE blackmail advantage over me. Like if I see them rob a bank they'll come up to me and be all like, "remember when you cried?" and I'll have no choice but to tell the police that I saw nothing.
• If I make myself a structured daily routine and break it (which I will) I'll hurt myself's feelings for expecting too much from me and start resenting myself.
• That an anaconda or other large snake will be on the loose and appear in my home or on my property and try to kill/eat me and everyone I love.
• That my house will catch fire or some sort of emergency leading to an impromptu evacuation will be forced on me and I'll have but a small window to choose what I can save. (Definetly one of the reasons I crave minimalism.)
• If I wear shoes for a quick run out to my vehicle from my house and back an immense amount of time will be wasted. Hence, I always opt out for bare feet. 
• That I'll be asked to come up and sing at a concert with the artist and won't know the words. Or that I'll be asked backstage and won't know all their songs to make a favourite pick once they demand me to answer what my favourite song of theirs' is. Hence, I try to always prep before concerts in learning the songs/lyrics.
• That I'll meet a famous actor/actress, but won't know their name or body of work enough to form some sort of friendship. Hence why I try to stay up to date in the celebrity land (reality stars I don't count for this though... obviously).
• That I'll become famous in the media somehow and develop some sort of stalker... hence, why I try not to divulge family names or addresses, especially on this blog.
• That there will mud, oil, paint, and definitely manure stains as well as many holes, rips, and tears in my clothing when attending outdoor type activities (barns, horses, cattle etc.). I must always wear my raggedy play/chore clothes at all costs. When I see girls all decked out in their expensive jeans and hoodies with these cute tops I get such an array of anxiety-filled concern for them... as well as jealousy because of what I showed up looking like - I have cute clothes too!! I feel like I took the conversation my mom had with me as a child about the difference between "play" clothes and "nice" clothes way too seriously. I still have designated separate drawers for each. Wedding dresses and grad dresses I don't care if I wear though since the big event for those is done and over.
• That I will end up on the 'people at Walmart' site and be talked about badly by everyone that sees me if I wear my play/chore clothes to town/public places.
• That people don't think I'm funny (I know, super irrational since I'm hilarious).

Heaven's slice is getting over one's irrational fears. 

The Newborn: How I Survived As A Mommy

Every circumstance, person, and child is unique, so rest assured I am NOT putting this out there saying 'this is what you must do.' I've just been reflecting lately on how I got through my first baby in that precious life-changing newborn stage as a first time Mommy.

Firstly though, I must state that I did not have a traumatic birth/delivery with my little one. There was pain involved and I definitely cried and screamed at times, but on the inside I was literally beaming with excitement and joy to finally get to meet my baby! Also, I never suffered from any postpartum depression, in fact I kind of had the opposite; I had a postpartum slap happy high that honestly lasted months and months, gradually fading out unnoticeably over time. Another thing - I didn't really require any physical recovery from childbirth.

Anyways, now that you all hate me - here are 9 things that helped me survive the newborn stage as a first-time Mommy:

1. I never read any books, went to any classes, nor listened to the majority of other moms regarding anything birth and baby related. Reason being is that the major theme that would come out from these sources was that it was going to be HARD WORK AND LOTS OF IT! It was all just a super wet blanket I knew I had to steer clear of. Not to say that the whole birth thing and dealing with a newborn is all rainbows and butterflies... but it kind of is. You're having a baby/ have a baby! How freaking awesome is that! You get to be a Mommy! No one will ever need or want you more than this little creature, and you will never love anyone (other than your other kids to follow of course!) the way you get to love this sweet babe. They are yours and you are theirs. It's not spoken or written enough the abundance of overwhelming love that consumes you.

2. I didn't let anyone (other than my dear husband and I) clean my home - laundry, dishes, floors, etc. This one's probably just specific to me. I get so stressed when others clean my house, and stress was the last thing I needed/wanted having a newborn to tend to. I could deal with living in the mess because I knew it was temporary and it was not on my list of priorities for this certain duration. What I really wanted/needed the most from others was just the doting on my little one; holding her and telling me how beautiful and wonderful she was. Thankfully, my life is full of the most wonderful family and friends, so this was greatly accomplished. Also, I got 2 or 3 meals given to us and it was just so nice to be nourished without all the effort we'd have to put into it before hand.

3. I only read/watched/played on a screen when there was literally nothing else I could do. Which means only when she was eating (which ya was a lot). It gave me permission to waste that time on entertainment, but also the freedom of not getting addicted to it. It was shut off the minute she was done and then I could finally spend that time snuggling, staring, talking, making faces, and listening to her sweet self.

4. I didn't take that many photos or videos of her. Rest assured I did take plenty, but there were days even weeks (gasp!) when I never pulled out that camera. I just wanted to be a part of all those moments and enjoy them without the camera-grabbing stress. There will be plenty of photos for her to have and look through when she's older, but a million of her at the newborn stage to me was just a needless task.

5. I prioritized. Food and sleep was all I needed. Of course her needs came before mine, and there were plenty, but when I got those moments when she was with my husband or sleeping I always chose my 2 basic needs always. I'd quickly down on some cupboard munch or leftovers and jump into bed!

6. I had many write-off days. Phone's were on silent, doors were locked and I shut myself in: No showers, no getting dressed, no cleaning, no cooking, no hair done, no make-up, no leaving the house, and no people. Days like that may sound awful to others, but I really truly just loved them. I gave my newborn all she would need and we would grab those zzz's as much as we could. No worrying about anything or anyone else, just us :)

7. I married a real good man. This action was made long ago, but it has paid off times a million; Most especially when you have a baby with him! He picked up where I lacked, he loved that little girl and her momma like crazy, and did anything and everything he could for us. He helped even more than I ever expected or anticipated. I highly recommend it to everyone when going through the newborn stages as a Mommy!

8. I knew that this time was fleeting. Any of the hard, any of the messy, any overwhelming stings of exhaustion were swallowed up entirely by just knowing that this wouldn't last long. She would grow up; she would no longer need me 24/7, she would no longer fit into my one arm, she would no longer make those baby sounds, she would no longer wake me up at all hours of the night, she would no longer have those itty bitty hands, those tiny feet, those perfectly little lips... one day she would no longer be this little baby of mine. Knowing this brought me wanting and soaking in every moment, and not only enjoying but deeply loving every aspect of it all, of her, and of me.


Lastly, but the most important:

9. I was grateful. I don't think anyone can fully comprehend what an amazing gift a child is, but I definitely had a knowledge of how very fortunate I was. Waking up from dreaming to a crying little one was just the pinch I needed to know this dream was real! I really do get to keep her! I have a baby! This gratitude left me with many overwhelming happy tears and made it a pure joy to be able to take care of this precious gift from heaven.

It's such a beautiful mess of a time that I am so blessed to be able to have had!



Heaven's slice is loving your newborn.

Being The Judge

Why yes, that is a rubber mallet... work with me ok!?

All of us have been effected at some point in our life by someone else's ill actions. Whether it's family, friends, acquaintances, strangers, co-workers, employers, managers, politicians, anyone and everyone could be the suspect really. A dishonest unethical lie of a cheat steal cruel mean no-good wrongful sinful purposeful disgusting action made. Which you saw, felt the effects of, heard about, or read about. Whether you truly know the detailed facts first hand of it all or you're 100th ear in the great vine, you're angered at what happened, is happening, or is about to unfold. "How could they?!" You're especially angered when that person has given the family, community, workplace or what have you the impression that they are a righteous-liver, a do-gooder, an honest near-perfect man or woman of infinite integrity. What perhaps could make you even more angry is that their belief and value system, their religion, is the same as yours! "I mean holy cow! Are you kidding me?! You claim to be trying to walk the path Christ has trod, to live your life in continual progression and improvement on one's self and then you pull this stunt! This unacceptable out of the blue down right wrong action!  Seriously?! Don't try to hide what you did, you're not even trying to fix it, or STOPPING yourself from doing it! GRRRRRR... I wish I could just sit you down and force you to QUIT! Force you to FIX that which you have done, FORCE YOU TO JUST DO THE RIGHT THING!!!!!!"

...

And then you realize it...

YOU have just joined in on the request for Satan's plan. You know, that one we fought hard against in the pre-mortal existence because we wanted the actual plan, the plan that our Heavenly Father and brother Jesus Christ set up for us? May be you remember that plan we chose so long ago (probably not) but you may remember reading, studying, or learning it - it rang to the tune of AGENCY. All whom have a body here chose that plan: To act for ourselves as individuals. To come down and live this mortal life in this world at this time, with this body. To choose for ourselves the good from the evil, to act for ourselves, to try to live righteously so that we could return to our Heavenly Father and have eternal progression, so we could become even as He is. We would make mistakes, we would sin, we would fall short and stumble, surely. So, a Saviour would be provided to take on our guilt, sorrows, and sins so that if we fell we could get back up again and have the strength to keep going. We would draw that straight line that would start going crooked at times, but we could want that change and feel that remorse and that crookedness could be erased from our project; we could become perfect through His atonement. It was Satan's counter plan that stated to take away agency and FORCE US ALL TO DO RIGHT, so that we all could return to the kingdom and the glory could be his (Satan's).

Respecting Agency
Our God wanted us to have agency. We wanted to have agency. So the next time we get down trodden and angered by someone else's decisions let us remember that we need to be respecters and upholders of agency. It is not to be said that we should turn a blind eye to something wrong. It is our responsibility to of course report anything serious or unethical through the proper channels. But, perhaps we may guard our heart a little better in not letting it effect us as it does. If you yourself can look in that mirror and know you have done right and been honest through it all, following the rules, policies, laws or what have you, then there is no need for loss of sleep and no need for this to consume you.

It's so hard being the judge of others and trying desperately to correct and fix their mistakes. Thank goodness we don't have to; we're even commanded not to. God will be the judge and we can can continue on in our own personal journey.



Heaven's slice is being a respecter of agency.

A Whole Year!

I can dream pretty big and get pretty consumed by my imagination. I can get so consumed that I kind of get bored of that dream since I used up all my engergies with it in la la land. Eventually I just abandon any pursuit of the dream because its really already come true in my head. What I'm getting at is that I don't stick to things very often... But one year ago today I started this blog with the intentions of doing at least 1 post a week and I totally succeeded for an entire year!!! WHAT?!! So in honour of this great feat I'm doing a GIVEAWAY!... to myself... in the form of a small coke slurpee :) I may also make myself a cake too because I think there's a cake mix about to expire in my storage room... Any hoo I guess it goes to show if you find something you're really passionate about, you make the time and effort for it.

Also here's a flashback to my first blog post: CLICK HERE!

PS I'm sorry I'm not giving a slurpee to you also, it's just that I'm attempting to live like I'm broke for the next 2 months and I can't justify budgeting that in for the millions (slight exaggeration) that are reading this. 

Heaven's slice is celebrating it's 1 year old birthday.

2015 Goals

This photo has been brought to you in part by: my love of Jimmy Fallon.

I LOVE New Years! The biggest reason why though is the goals. I love looking at my 'time capsuled' goals of last year and coming up with new ones. It's fresh starts and new you's; the possibilities are endless and the hope is on high gear!

Since my goals, I feel, are super personal I'm keeping them private....BUT here are 2 things that will NEVER (wow that sounds really permanent) make it into my list of goals:

1. Weight - I'll admit in years past this was on my list in my teenagerdom of self-esteem struggles, but I've changed a lot since then. Even within the past year it seems I've changed even more drastically (may be it's called maturing??). I've become SUPER passionate about advocating heightened self-esteem and self-image in people, especially youth (yes having a daughter also played a HUGE role in this). How can I go about promoting that kids, especially girls, feel that they are beautiful who they are right now if I don't even think that of myself? So, I've been implementing things in myself to promote my own self-esteem, self-image, and overall self love. A large majority of negativity on one's self stems from body issues. Therefore, weight is now on the total outs of my vocabulary, actions, and even mind. There will be no goals regarding weight ever again in my New Years resolutions. No number on a scale is going to determine how happy I can be, nor do I believe it can for anyone really.

2. Size - Same thing, different unit of measure. 

I am all for being as healthy as you can be, but weight and size are not part of this. The number on that scale and the number on that dress's tag is not going to tell you your health. It won't tell you that your food choices that day were very nourishing to your body; Nor will it tell you what sort of strength your body has right now. Eating what makes your body feel good, full, energetic, nourished etc. and moving your body in ways that give you strength, energy, flexibility, and stamina are really the only realistic health goals one can have. Weight and size aren't part of it. Health is about making your body "feel" a certain way not about making your body "look" a certain way. It's a sharpening of one's mind and will give you the positive image you've always wanted; you'll have never looked more gorgeous!

So there it is folks, my 2 "NEVER going on my list of new years goals" goals. Feel free to adopt this way of thinking :) But... you don't HAVE to... ;)

Heaven's slice is a new year.

The CHRISTmas Gift

Last year I started something new for myself for the Christmas season and wanted to continue in this tradition. It all really got spurred on by the question: "What could I give my Savior for Christmas?" Of course the loving one another and giving more of myself popped into my head, but something inside me pressed deeper. I came to the realization that when I truly love and care about someone I try hard to make time for them, to listen to them, and to get to know them more. It was with this intention I decided that I wanted to bring Christ more into my Christmas season by taking the time to learn and study His life and mission more. So, last year I decided to read all of Matthew and loved how it brought me closer to Him. This year I really wanted to read the Book of Mormon (Click to view what this book is) by Christmas.

I've read the Book of Mormon all the way through before, and almost every year I try to read it all through again. My problem is though, that I read it for a while and then I forget to; time passes by fast and I feel guilty starting where I left off, so I read it again from the beginning. I've probably read 1 + 2 Nephi 1000 times (slight exaggeration). But, this year was different, I wanted it to be a gift I could give to Christ for Christmas. And, as He has never let me down, I knew I couldn't let Him down.

Well, December came and I had been reading the Book of Mormon somewhat daily since January... a verse here, may be a chapter there. It all came to a head once I buckled down to do the calculation though: If I wanted to be done reading the Book of Mormon by Christmas I would have to read 20 pages a day. Now 20 pages may not be much for you, but let me tell you something about me - I read fast, and comprehend S---L---O---W which is why I am too impatient with books and choose to only read Church talks, articles, blog posts, and FB status' (only the short one's). I was in way over my head if I thought about it, but truth is, I didn't. I looked at that "= 20" on the screen and said, "OK."

I finished it Christmas Eve and gained even more of a testimony of it! I understood it better than I ever had before. I learned so many new and interesting things about the inhabitants of the America's B.C. and early A.D. times. But... I think the most important thing I rediscovered is the how and why Jesus Christ has always been and should always be such a relevant part of our everyday lives. The call for "Repentance" is NOT a condemnation to low lives from off a high horse. It is a glad tiding of great joy that is relayed so that we can know that change is possible, mistakes can be undone, sins can be erased, and hearts mended. Christ's message is a joyous one and the best gift anyone can have, and everyone has the option to receive.

Heaven's slice is coming to know our Saviour.

The Christmas Tree

We have always had a real tree for Christmas (except the one year with no tree, which I will not delve into due the embarrassment of how we actually didn't miss it; probably because we weren't home all Christmas).

This was only the second time though that we got it ourselves from the forest.

And.    it.     was.     awesome.

With wonderful roads to support our endeavours and an awesome weather forecast for the day, my tender heart was put totally at ease. Our little girl LOVED playing and eating the fresh snow (I'm still trying to teach her about dirty snow versus clean snow). And we got our annual Christmas card send out photo completed there. It was so nice to just be in the mountains and waltz through the snow hunting for a Christmas tree. The fresh air seems to due wonders for one's spirit, especially if you get to share the moment with 2 of your most favourite people in the entire world.

Hope you all get to enjoy the wondrous blessings in your life through this Christmas season.



Heaven's slice is family.