Thursday, May 12, 2016

Angry, Bitter, and Loved

God is the RULER of the UNIVERSE.


God is MIGHTY.



God is the BEGINNING and the END.


But as a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I just know him as a Father. My Heavenly Father. 

I've come to know him through acting on faith, through gospel study (scriptures), through taking in prophets words and council, but MOSTLY I've come to know him through prayer. Prayer has always been a big part of my life; an everyday must. And it is because of prayer I've come to know him as my father. A father who loves me. And a father who I love. Many labels can be given to me, as well as everyone else too, but when it comes down to the top label I would choose to display it would be a daughter of God.

Many parts of our lives hold deep pain, anger, confusion, and sadness. We want someone to just take it away. We want answers. We want relief. Sometimes we don't realize, that we can or should pray in those times of anger. Either we're scared of God's wrath or we simply want to deny his existence. I have found however, that it has been in those moments of outrage, of confusion, of negative emotions, where I have given the words of my griefs and reasoning in a prayer to him that I have perhaps felt even closer to him than in times of joy.

I am bitter. I am angry. But yet still, on my knees, with tears falling on folded arms, I feel loved.

My emotions don't magically transform, and quite often I don't even receive any sort of answer. 
No, I don't get my mountains moved away from my stead, I don't get a lightening bolt thrashed against my nemesis. But what I do get, is the sweet sanctuary of space to vent and the undeniable overwhelming-feeling, that I am heard. I am understood. And I am loved.

Heaven's slice is praying, even in times of anger.

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